Saturday, November 6, 2010

Why Voting Is So Hard

Ohmigod, you know what is just the worst? Like, worse than the new season of Project Runway, even? Having to do things to be able to vote. Why can't, like, they just come to my house and ask me whom I want in office? But not while I'm at work, obviously, and not when it keeps my away from my television set or from going to the bar with all my gals. But other times, I mean. When I'm free and can dedicate some time to it. Of course, they'll also need to tell me about the candidates and ballot measures, because I can't be expected to study up on those things, but they could do that.

Since they didn't, of course, I didn't vote. Because why should I? Actually, by not voting I am voting for a new system. Get it?

I've only lived in this city for over a year. How can I possibly be expected to fill out three lines of paper? I mean, GOD! I have things to do! It's not even my fault, right?Like. lots of other places give out cake and candy when you register to vote. If that had happened here, I would have registered like 10 times. It's all New York's fault, really. Have they never had people move here before? It seems like they haven't.

And how did all these dumbasses get elected, anyway? Why weren't you people out there voting for the right candidates? Like Bush and stuff. And even though I didn't vote, I am fond of making sarcastic comments on the internet about politicians I disagree with, which is like the same thing. It's probably good I didn't vote, because then I'd have to feel bad if I voted for someone that turned out to be different than I expected. And, like I said, it's all New York's fault.

Actually, worse than all that is this excuse.

Friday, October 29, 2010

The Problem With Christine O'Donnell

Christine O'Donnell. Mini-Palin. Xine O'Donald Duck. That lady from that weird state that we always forget about, unless we're driving from Philadelphia or New York to Washington, D.C., on I-95. Delawhere? as the old joke goes.

What do we do about her? She's a woman in politics, which is a thing that we support. Unfortunately, she is the wrong type of woman in politics. One that disagrees with us and is "setting us back" by believing and standing for the things she does, which (witch! AHAH) is bad. But then our brother site (because they're definitely not our sisters!) posts something bad and sexist about her, because she is a woman, and that's bad. But not bad for her. Bad for women. It becomes a teachable moment, in which we can reflect on sexism in our society and media. But that's bad, because it means we have to defend Christine O'Donnell. And that is definitely bad. Because so do people like NOW, which really confuses us.

Oh, remember those good days, when O'Donnell was a crazy lady and not such an ambiguous icon in contemporary gender politics? And she goes about calling the bad, mean, sexist post against her bad and sexist. She gets it! Which is awful! Augh! This whole mess is going to turn us into a Cathy cartoon.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Friday, October 15, 2010

Gif Giving Guide

Hey, you know what the internet loves? Celebrities!

But what about when they're not talking directly about celebrities? How can we still reference our love of mass culture, even while subtly mocking it?


With .gifs we can act above the celebrity culture we're mocking, while also using key nuggets of it to turn our short attention spans into inside jokes that we're all in on. And, what's more, we'll get to do things that the real nerds at 4Chan and icanhascheezburger did years ago.

Yay, .gifs!

Email Don't, the author of this post, at